Flowers and bees

How writing has helped me grow as a person.

Initially, before I began putting together my book, writing was a way for me to cope. It was an escape, a tool to help me process what was going on around me and help me better understand all my feelings. Writing has also helped me grow as a person. One of the coolest things about the book I’ve written is that I started writing it about seven years ago when I was 14. This project gives me a look into the past and the person I used to be and shows me all my growth since; as a person and with my writing. This piece in particular, Flowers and bees, is a wonderful example of self growth and the thought process behind trying to deal with the struggle of self worth.

She felt like the wilted flower in the garden; the one that couldn't seem to keep up with the other vibrant flowers that stand so tall with confidence. They reach towards the sun while she was stuck beneath the shade, struggling to grow to her fullest potential like the rest. 

Her mind tells her she's ugly, that she will never find a way to like who she is. 

The bee's float by and tell her that she's beautiful, that she should love the person she's grown to be. You've overcome so much considering the circumstances you've been given. You are blooming like the others. 

But it didn't feel like she had bloomed at all;
she had been wilting away for a while now. She nitpicked every aspect of herself and the gloomy nature of her existence in the shade. Why did everything feel like a challenge? The world seemed to enjoy pulling her back, throwing problem after problem in her path to overcome. And with those obstacles, she felt like she was wilting even more, losing sight of the positive, bright person she wanted to be. 

She wants to be that best version of herself, to be happy, free of worry.  She wants to be the type of person that people want to be around. She wants to make a difference, to help others, to make an impact. She didn't want to be stuck in the shade anymore. 

The bee's float by one last time, hugging her tightly before they leave. You already are that person. You help us, after all, they buzz. 

This piece explores my internal struggle of being too hard on myself. I’m constantly setting these high expectations and standards for myself and if I don’t get to exactly where I think I should be I’m incredibly hard on myself. Even if I know I’m doing great or being the person I want to be, I still fall habit into thinking that it’s never enough. Simply, I look down on who I am even though I shouldn’t be because in reality I’m already being my best self and embodying that person I love and want to be. And, everyone around me loves me and who I am.

Writing out these feelings in a creative way allowed me to soak in what I was feeling as well as process my thoughts. It forced me to really think, and it guided me to a place where I could recognize that I was being too hard on myself and understand that I am enough. My entire book is a journey of self revelation and growth, it was a healing project.

Being at Drake has also helped me grow as a writer and given me opportunities to expand my writing and make connections that will help me down the road. If you want to keep up with any of my art, you can find on instagram and VSCO.

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